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Voice Mail
"Hey, it's Alex. I'm not answering my phone right now, so if you leave a message I'll try and get back to you. If you don't leave a message I'll assume you're messing with me or in mortal peril, depending on who you are. Don't make me ride to your rescue because you're lazy, guys. That's not cool.
"If this is my dad, no I don't know where your axe is. Maybe you left it in the last thing you killed with it? If this is Nicholas, I'm in Maryland, I couldn't possibly have been in your office again. Obviously."
BEEP
"If this is my dad, no I don't know where your axe is. Maybe you left it in the last thing you killed with it? If this is Nicholas, I'm in Maryland, I couldn't possibly have been in your office again. Obviously."
BEEP
no subject
"Hey! I've got a question. Shouldn't geese eat corn or something? Why is it always trying to eat my klondike bars. It's freaking annoying. Also, why can't I get a monkey? Monkey's are cool. I'd bet they'd sell. I'd buy a monkey. Probably name it Guido. You'd like Guido. He's- GET AWAY FROM MY KLONDIKE BAR!"